THE DEATH OF THE MAGAZINE INDUSTRY?

There's a lot of talk about the decline and impending death of the magazine industry.  But as John Hodgman says: "At one point in 2011, there were more magazines laying around people’s homes than any other year in history — and you can take that to the bank, the MAGAZINES BANK."


Here's a list of the EIGHT BEST MAGAZINES PUBLISHING IN OUR COUNTRY TODAY:


1.  OK!


2.  Men's Health


3.  Parade


4.  Readers Digest


5.  People


6.  InStyle


7.  Living


8.  Real Simple


So there you have it.  Long live the magazine... well into the year 2012!

DECATEUR'S WEEKLY BUSINESS ROUNDUP

Hey, guys, what's up?
Whatever...


This week's business round-up comes a couple of days before New Year's, so I'll make it kind of brief so that everybody can get back to doing whatever it is people do during the holiday.  To be honest, I'm not in the best mood right now.  The reason is that I was kicked out of my bedroom for three days while my sister was in town last weekend with her family.


Basically, my two nephews and one niece got my basement room and I had to sleep on the couch in the den.  To make it short, they trashed the place - they got into freakin' everything: my CDs, my clothes and even my Star Wars figurine collection! - and now I can't bring myself to clean up.  I'm like paralyzed.  I can't think.  It's over and they're gone, but it totally sucked.


So, now you get an idea of what I'm dealing with.  Sleeping on the couch isn't that bad (I could play the new Skyrim game all night!) but getting up 7:00 a.m., when the kids got up, was absolute torture.  Now I know what it might have been like to be that Russian guy in the labor camp when Stalin was around.


Okay, enough about me.  Here are my predictions for next week:


1.  I've got a good feeling about tech stocks.  I see some major announcement coming out of the industry that will give a good bump to companies like Intel and IBM.  Thumbs up.


2.  Stay away from Verizon.  Yes, now!  There's gonna be some big fallout from their $2 fee for online billing, and I wouldn't want to be around when the peasants revolt.


3.  Dump your Euros.  Last week I would have said "buy", but this week I'm back with a bearish stance.  Greece is going to come up with some doozie numbers soon and I think Spain is going to be making news about being on the economic brink.  Just another reason to move toward advancing Asian equities.


All right, that's it for now.  Take care and have a happy New Year.  Me... I'll be locked in the basement till at least Monday (avoiding the rent my mom will come looking for...) just me and Skyrim and 10 2-liter bottles of  Mountain Dew.


-Decateur

OFFICE SECRET SANTA GIFT IDEAS!

Here are FIVE SIX! gift ideas for you to use when participating in this year's office Secret Santa. Each item cost no more than $10!




1. WrisTimer Wrist Support $10 (therapy for symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome)

2. Office Max Stapler $9.99 (staples papers and documents)



3. Purell Sanitizing Wipes $6.00 (sterilizes headsets and keyboards)


4. Jarden Heating Pad $10 (soothes aching lower back pain)




5. FOX Pepper Spray $9.95 (keeps away the unwanted co-worker!)




6. "The greatest book ever written!": Faking Smart!: Get Hired, Get Promoted and Become a V.P. in Six Short Weeks - GUARANTEED! $9.99!




Merry Holidays!
the FSRI

HOLIDAY PROMOTION FROM THE FSRI

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!


In keeping with the spirit of the holiday season, the FSRI has decided to a offer a limited time only special promotion.  That's right, when you order a copy (either hardback or digital) of the Faking Smart! book, the FSRI is offering a free slice of Danish Kringle - DELIVERED TO YOUR FRONT DOOR!*


GET A FREE SLICE OF GENUINE RACINE DANISH KRINGLE - DELIVERED TO YOUR FRONT DOOR!


This offer is for a limited time only, so act now!


*The TERMS AND CONDITIONS of this offer are to be found at the conclusion of this short promotional video:

THE FAKING SMART! FOR KIDS' SAKE FOUNDATION

Hey... what's up? In our attempt to make Faking Smart! a New York Times Bestseller this month, we've realized that we should throw in a promotion or two to help encourage more people to buy the book. Here's one you can't resist:

For the weekend beginning the 9th of December, all proceeds from the sale of Faking Smart! will be donated to the Faking Smart! for Kids' Sake Foundation.


You can't beat that!
KWA

HITTING THE BOOKS!

CANDACE DEBARGE AT THE FSRI CAMPUS

The December semester is in full swing this week at the FSIHL (Campus Northwest).  Student, Candace DeBarge, (left) takes a break between classes to study.  Way to go, Candace!

FSRI TO BUILD EXPANSIVE CAMPUS IN CHINA'S GUANGDONG PROVINCE

ST. ANTON, AUSTRIA - This evening, the FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) has announced its intentions to build a new campus for the FSIHL (Faking Smart! Institute for Higher Learning) in China's southeastern Guangdong province, just outside the city of Yunfu.  According to a press release from the FSIHL Board of Regents, this "sprawling" new campus will accommodate upwards of 40,000 residential students, with the flexibility to double student capacity within a decade.  Not only will this campus serve as home for tens of thousands of FSIHL students, but it will also serve as the headquarters for the new FSRI Institute for World Peace, the FSRI Organization for Organizational Research and as training ground for the pilot FSRI Olympic Team.


When asked about the FSRI's plans to build its campus near Yunfu, city officials released this statment: 雲浮市被認為是亞熱帶，喜歡晴朗的天氣一年四季，氣溫溫和，雨量充沛，陽光的特點，每年平均氣溫22℃，年平均降雨量1,670.5毫米和1418年度平均日照時數。在今年降雨時空分佈不均。這是陰和乾燥的春季，夏季炎熱和多雨，秋季涼爽，乾燥，冬季陽光明媚的。