Your Resume - Grabbing an Employer's Attention

How many times have you sent out an application for a job and not received a response? Well, the reason for this may be that your resume was too small.

It's true, most resumes today are sent over the internets in tiny, microscopic digital code, with data so delicate and frail that they immediately turn to vapor after being "sent" out into the global information maelstrom. This is a sad, yet real problem, and millions of job-seekers suffer the same plight.

The FSRI has devised a fail-proof solution to this common dilemma:

CREATE THE BIGGEST RESUME EVER!

...And when we say "the biggest", we mean THE BIGGEST! Just as the Great Wall of China and the Hoover Dam can be viewed from space, so should your resume. Find a large tract (say 100 sq miles, or so) of corn or wheat field in any of the Mid-Western states and get to work. Start up the combine and carve your resume into the great swaths of the North American bread basket! When you're done, track your resume down on Google Earth or MSN's TerraServer and then send the link to the companies you like and watch as the job offers pour in! Who knows, with any luck you may even get an interstellar-passerby to shoot you a response!

"Think big," advises the FSRI. "The bigger your resume, the bigger your chances are in getting the job!"

Real World Job-hunting

If my predictions hold true, the PC (personal computer ...or as I like to call it, the blog box) is one of the hottest products out there, poised to one day find its place in the average American home right alongside the iPod, the X-Box, the vacuum cleaner and the Brazilian spider monkey. And landing a job at a company that caters to this breakthrough technology may be an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of something big!

Claiming to have over 50,000 employees, Microsoft, the marquee marketeer of personal computer programming, is certain to have an opening or two at its sprawling campus. But don't brush down your suit and starch your shirt just yet - Microsoft may have more in store for you than you think! Here's some words from their careers webpage:

Who fits in at Microsoft? All sorts of people, from all over the world. Technical types and creative types. Introverts and extroverts. Rock climbers and movie buffs. People of all backgrounds, who excel in a multitude of fields.

What's the common thread? If you stood all of the 50,000-plus Microsoft employees in front of a large mirror, you would see reflected a collective group that revolves around a few core traits. Those traits may not be secrets to success, but they do provide a framework for what core values are desired at Microsoft.

Your Faking Smart! tip: According to this employee profile it shouldn't be hard to get a job at this software giant. Who fits in a Microsoft? "All sorts of people, from all over the world." (Exchange students.) "Technical types and creative types." (Nerds and Goths.) "Introverts and extroverts." (Loners and the popular kids.) Yes! It may be hard to believe, but from this brief employee breakdown getting a job a Microsoft may be no harder than getting into a sophomore class at highschool! For this company cut to the quick and shoot them a resume that states the bare bones. Be concise (...and back this up with a note from your parents) and tell them that you're transferring from "out of town" and that you're thinking about trying out for the drama club or the cheer-leading squad. Mention that you did some rock climbing with your older brother once and that you totally dig watching movies over doing homework (...yes, you're a movie buff!) When your resume finds its way into the right hands expect a call from principal Gates himself! Then update your vaccination card, get a backpack and get ready for homeroom!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

KWA (Guidance Counselor)

Job-Hunting Through Temp Agencies

Last week we talked about researching the job market through cold calling. Today we discuss the method of using a temp agency, or temporary employment agency, to help you land a job.

In the last decade or two temporary employment agencies have become a mainstay in helping people to find good, solid corporate work. Through an intimate understanding of the job market temp agencies are in the unique position to pair employee with employer - pair strengths with needs, experience with expectation - thereby creating an excellent employee/employer match. Just about anyone you talk to today has had some sort of experience with a temporary agency, and while some might describe this relationship as, at times, strained, many, if not most, find it rewarding, and, under the right circumstances, the perfect resource for "getting a foot in the corporate door." If employer and employee turn out to get along, (and the temp agency gives its nod of approval) a temporary position can quickly translate into permanent corporate placement.

One aspect in working for a temp agency that many find difficult to understand is the fact that, even though you may be working at a company, you are still the "bonded" employee of your temp agency. The company pays the temp agency for your work, the agency takes its cut and returns your percentage.

In this sense, the operational model for most temporary agencies goes back a long way ...way back to one of the oldest professions in history. It has been said the the earliest of "escort", or "companion" services incorporated what we now understand to be temp workers. By matching employer with employee, or by "putting the worker out to turn a trick," the agency, or pimp, would take a monetary cut on the service provided by his or her temp and then hand over what he or she felt was adequate compensation.

Today, as the business world continues to flourish, so will temp agencies right along with it!

KWA

And thanks, Decateur for your previous post. We'll all be looking forward to the next!

Traditional Job-Hunting Strategies

In Look at Me, Corporate America! we examined seven cutting-edge tactics for getting youself noticed by a company. In today's post, however, we mention briefly some of the more traditional methods of the job-hunt. Then, in subsequent posts, we will explore each method in greater depth.

To be frank, today's job market is downright treacherous. To come out successful one must attract the attention of a company's "wandering eye", and to do this one must appear more eager and busy than ever before. This may seem especially daunting (...and for good reason) but if you allow us to steer you in the right direction - if you allow Faking Smart! to grab the wheel during this nail-devouring ride through the corporate landscape - you quickly discover your journey to be pleasant and nearly sleep-inducing.

What many job-hunters don't understand (due to perceptions instilled by distorted television representations)is that companies often do need to hire people. Contrary to popular belief, companies are not necessarily composed of a permanent, attractive staff of lovable misfits who perpetually torment one another in the manner of a close-knit, yet, dis-functional family unit. No. In fact, throughout corporate America jobs are opening every day due to resignations, retirements, layoffs, corporate expansion, disappearances, industrial accidents and mysterious worker death. But to get in you have to act. If a company can't find you, you have to find it.

Here are five traditional job-hunting methods:

1. Networking.

2. Internet Searches.

3. The "Cold Call."

4. Temporary Agencies.

5. The Faking Smart! Secret Method.

More to follow...

KWA

P.S. The FSRI would like to apologize for having frightened any small children with the image of Mr. Jankowskowitz in yesterday's post. Such moral indiscretion will not slip by us again.