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Showing posts with label faking smart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faking smart. Show all posts
Friday, January 11, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2008
Office Politics
Good Morning!
The subject we are discussing today is how to Fake Smart while talking about politics at your office or place of work. With all the buzz surrounding the on-going U.S. primary season, we feel it important to leave you with a few simple tactics and strategies to help you to avoid swimming blindly into the shark-infested waters of this innocent office chit-chat.
Now, when we say "politics" we are referring to "national politics" and not the "internal politics" that surfaces at your office on a daily basis. An example of internal workplace politics might be the talk you have with your cubicle neighbor over who the boss is dating and how this will effect the roster at next week's company kick-ball game. "Who are you voting for as president of the U.S.A. this fall?", on the other hand, is a question one might encounter that evokes non-internal or "national politics." This is the kind of question we are talking about today, and this is the kind of question you should be watching out for.
There one basic rule to Faking Smart while discussing politics at the workplace:
1. Never initiate a discussion about politics with anyone at your workplace.
Yes, this rule is easy to adhere to, and it will help you avoid many an awkward adventure upon a raft on the seas of human unpredictability. But what this rule doesn't do is eliminate, completely, the chance that YOU may drawn into a discussion about politics by someone else!
If you are drawn into a political conversation while at work, follow these four Faking Smart tips:
1. Never ally yourself with a candidate before you clearly know who the person you are talking to is backing.
2. Once you know which candidate the person you are talking to is backing, claim to back this candidate as well.
3. When the opposing candidate's name is mentioned, shiver and appear nauseated.
4. Never fall into the trap of calling political factions as, for example, "the conservatives" or "the liberals." Always refer to the counter faction as "them"; the allied faction as "us."
Again, you are attempting to learn these tactics and strategies to better you chances of Faking Smart at the workplace. Politics can be a touchy business. Unfortunately, many believe that having an active, working knowledge of our country's political landscape (especially during a busy primary season such as the one we are now in) is a sign of intelligence. That someone is up-to-date on current political developments might hint that this person maintains an elevated social acuity, that he or she has trained a discriminating eye at power-politics and that he or she holds an inherent interest in political movement and change in general. The truth could not be further from this.
People want to know if you are for their guy or gal. Your intelligence is judged by the simple choice you make deciding on a candidate. If you side with the candidate that the person you are talking to sides with, you reflect having made an intelligent, measured decision and you appear smarter!
Practice this: find out who your supervisor or team lead supports, then, whenever you see your supervisor, quickly put on a pin for the candidate he or she likes. When your supervisor or lead leaves, remove the pin. Do this with everybody in your office, if you can. The more people who see you supporting "their" candidate, the more people there will be who consider you smart!
Good luck!
KWA
The subject we are discussing today is how to Fake Smart while talking about politics at your office or place of work. With all the buzz surrounding the on-going U.S. primary season, we feel it important to leave you with a few simple tactics and strategies to help you to avoid swimming blindly into the shark-infested waters of this innocent office chit-chat.
Now, when we say "politics" we are referring to "national politics" and not the "internal politics" that surfaces at your office on a daily basis. An example of internal workplace politics might be the talk you have with your cubicle neighbor over who the boss is dating and how this will effect the roster at next week's company kick-ball game. "Who are you voting for as president of the U.S.A. this fall?", on the other hand, is a question one might encounter that evokes non-internal or "national politics." This is the kind of question we are talking about today, and this is the kind of question you should be watching out for.
There one basic rule to Faking Smart while discussing politics at the workplace:
1. Never initiate a discussion about politics with anyone at your workplace.
Yes, this rule is easy to adhere to, and it will help you avoid many an awkward adventure upon a raft on the seas of human unpredictability. But what this rule doesn't do is eliminate, completely, the chance that YOU may drawn into a discussion about politics by someone else!
If you are drawn into a political conversation while at work, follow these four Faking Smart tips:
1. Never ally yourself with a candidate before you clearly know who the person you are talking to is backing.
2. Once you know which candidate the person you are talking to is backing, claim to back this candidate as well.
3. When the opposing candidate's name is mentioned, shiver and appear nauseated.
4. Never fall into the trap of calling political factions as, for example, "the conservatives" or "the liberals." Always refer to the counter faction as "them"; the allied faction as "us."
Again, you are attempting to learn these tactics and strategies to better you chances of Faking Smart at the workplace. Politics can be a touchy business. Unfortunately, many believe that having an active, working knowledge of our country's political landscape (especially during a busy primary season such as the one we are now in) is a sign of intelligence. That someone is up-to-date on current political developments might hint that this person maintains an elevated social acuity, that he or she has trained a discriminating eye at power-politics and that he or she holds an inherent interest in political movement and change in general. The truth could not be further from this.
People want to know if you are for their guy or gal. Your intelligence is judged by the simple choice you make deciding on a candidate. If you side with the candidate that the person you are talking to sides with, you reflect having made an intelligent, measured decision and you appear smarter!
Practice this: find out who your supervisor or team lead supports, then, whenever you see your supervisor, quickly put on a pin for the candidate he or she likes. When your supervisor or lead leaves, remove the pin. Do this with everybody in your office, if you can. The more people who see you supporting "their" candidate, the more people there will be who consider you smart!
Good luck!
KWA
Friday, October 5, 2007
BIAC Declares War on FSIHL...!
Every now and then, during the publication of this blog, a reader comment catches the eye of one of our blogging editors. The following is one such response to the Ager Midwestern Update post of 27 Sept. 2007:
Damn you Ager!
Dr. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD here.
You are a gentleman of much ambition! I suspected this move in grievous anticipation, for I have been monitoring your organization’s activities since its relatively recent inception. You whipper snappers over at FSRI have no business coming to the great Middle World of Wisconsin. We will never yield our status to up-starts such as yourselves. Here in Wisconsin we have a proud heritage going back to 1748 to the founding of our great state of which many respected embellishment institutions of thought reside. These include the Albert Abrams School of Radionics (AASR), the John R. Brinkley Impudent-Impotence Alliance (JBIIA) and my own Buckminster J. Ingersoll Institute for the Advancement of Charlatans (BIAC). We are an old and venerable business going back to when the red men roamed the lands and snake oil fattened the cheeks of enamored wee babes. Today we have our people in the higher echelons of respected Midwest companies like Rayovac, Menards, Kohls department stores, and Madison Sanitation Services (MSS). We were the first organization to put our certified psychic palm readers in the Chicago and Milwaukee Police Departments (CPD and MPD respectively).
If you do decide to open an office of FSIHL here, as you know, we will consider this an act of war. Consider this cheese as all ready taken, this beer half drunk, and this Polish sausage already smoked! We will fight you until my last breath is drawn from my frail failing lungs.
Yours truly,
Dr. Buckminster J. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD
KWA Responds:
Dear Mr. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD,
First of all, I want to thank you on behalf of the FSRI Blogging Division for having added a comment to one of our posts. Secondly, it is without hesitation that I encourage you, or anyone for that matter, to comment on any and all of the content in this blog being it facilitates dialog on the very subject of this forum - namely, Faking Smart!
Regarding your concerns, Dr. Ingersoll, I speak on the behalf of everyone here at the division when I say that we acknowledge your disappointment with our drive for expansion into the Midwest - namely, Northern Wisconsin - and we are disheartened to hear that you harbor any objection to our future designs.
It has not been our intent, nor will it ever be, that you "yield" your "status", nor is is our wish that the FSIHL supplants any of your "respected embellishment institutions of thought." We do, however, hold a responsibility toward a power greater than any heretofore mentioned - that of society at large. The FSIHL's goals are noble in their simplicity ...to spread Faking Smart! around the globe, and by doing so raise the slightly unmotivated person to the rank of semi-respected corporate player (and when we say "player" we mean it in the most toned-down of interpretations).
Dr. Ingersoll, I will have you know that I am no stranger to your great stretch of Mid-country. Having spent some time ambling through the granite halls of the AASR (Albert Arahms School of Radionics) I am familiar with their achievements, and as for the JBIIA (John R. Brinkley Impudent-Impotence Alliance), I have no doubt their work will find permanence in the contemporary canon, ...but knowledge of your BIAC (Buckminster J. Ingersoll Institute for the Advancement of Charlatans) eludes me at present and I will be the first to admit that the advancement of charlatans is a movement beyond my ken. Each - and all - of us must bear at least one shortcoming.
I want to thank you for regarding me as a "gentleman", Dr. Ingersoll, and acting as such it would not be unwarranted to expect the same from you. To proclaim that you will "fight till the last breath is drawn from my frail failing lungs" is to enter through the door of extremism, and once through that door, it is hard to return. So I beseech you, dear sir, to moderate your reaction to our inevitable entry into your great tracts.
And with this, I wish to extend you an olive branch by granting you an official FSIHL Master's Degree (use code 87403A6H at any Wall Mart Pharmacy or Hallmark Card store to claim your degree). With this honorary degree you hold all the recognition a graduate from our four-week Master's Degree program holds. Please, be kind enough to accept this humble offering, and we hope this will allay any further animosity between our honorable and venerable camps.
Hey! ...and keep Faking Smart!
KWA
(FSRI Disclaimer: A degree from the FSIHL should in no way be considered an "official" degreee. Any person receiving a degree from the FSIHL may be subject to DHS investigation and may be designated a "person of interest" by the NSA.)
Damn you Ager!
Dr. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD here.
You are a gentleman of much ambition! I suspected this move in grievous anticipation, for I have been monitoring your organization’s activities since its relatively recent inception. You whipper snappers over at FSRI have no business coming to the great Middle World of Wisconsin. We will never yield our status to up-starts such as yourselves. Here in Wisconsin we have a proud heritage going back to 1748 to the founding of our great state of which many respected embellishment institutions of thought reside. These include the Albert Abrams School of Radionics (AASR), the John R. Brinkley Impudent-Impotence Alliance (JBIIA) and my own Buckminster J. Ingersoll Institute for the Advancement of Charlatans (BIAC). We are an old and venerable business going back to when the red men roamed the lands and snake oil fattened the cheeks of enamored wee babes. Today we have our people in the higher echelons of respected Midwest companies like Rayovac, Menards, Kohls department stores, and Madison Sanitation Services (MSS). We were the first organization to put our certified psychic palm readers in the Chicago and Milwaukee Police Departments (CPD and MPD respectively).
If you do decide to open an office of FSIHL here, as you know, we will consider this an act of war. Consider this cheese as all ready taken, this beer half drunk, and this Polish sausage already smoked! We will fight you until my last breath is drawn from my frail failing lungs.
Yours truly,
Dr. Buckminster J. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD
KWA Responds:
Dear Mr. Ingersoll IV, PHD MD,
First of all, I want to thank you on behalf of the FSRI Blogging Division for having added a comment to one of our posts. Secondly, it is without hesitation that I encourage you, or anyone for that matter, to comment on any and all of the content in this blog being it facilitates dialog on the very subject of this forum - namely, Faking Smart!
Regarding your concerns, Dr. Ingersoll, I speak on the behalf of everyone here at the division when I say that we acknowledge your disappointment with our drive for expansion into the Midwest - namely, Northern Wisconsin - and we are disheartened to hear that you harbor any objection to our future designs.
It has not been our intent, nor will it ever be, that you "yield" your "status", nor is is our wish that the FSIHL supplants any of your "respected embellishment institutions of thought." We do, however, hold a responsibility toward a power greater than any heretofore mentioned - that of society at large. The FSIHL's goals are noble in their simplicity ...to spread Faking Smart! around the globe, and by doing so raise the slightly unmotivated person to the rank of semi-respected corporate player (and when we say "player" we mean it in the most toned-down of interpretations).
Dr. Ingersoll, I will have you know that I am no stranger to your great stretch of Mid-country. Having spent some time ambling through the granite halls of the AASR (Albert Arahms School of Radionics) I am familiar with their achievements, and as for the JBIIA (John R. Brinkley Impudent-Impotence Alliance), I have no doubt their work will find permanence in the contemporary canon, ...but knowledge of your BIAC (Buckminster J. Ingersoll Institute for the Advancement of Charlatans) eludes me at present and I will be the first to admit that the advancement of charlatans is a movement beyond my ken. Each - and all - of us must bear at least one shortcoming.
I want to thank you for regarding me as a "gentleman", Dr. Ingersoll, and acting as such it would not be unwarranted to expect the same from you. To proclaim that you will "fight till the last breath is drawn from my frail failing lungs" is to enter through the door of extremism, and once through that door, it is hard to return. So I beseech you, dear sir, to moderate your reaction to our inevitable entry into your great tracts.
And with this, I wish to extend you an olive branch by granting you an official FSIHL Master's Degree (use code 87403A6H at any Wall Mart Pharmacy or Hallmark Card store to claim your degree). With this honorary degree you hold all the recognition a graduate from our four-week Master's Degree program holds. Please, be kind enough to accept this humble offering, and we hope this will allay any further animosity between our honorable and venerable camps.
Hey! ...and keep Faking Smart!
KWA
(FSRI Disclaimer: A degree from the FSIHL should in no way be considered an "official" degreee. Any person receiving a degree from the FSIHL may be subject to DHS investigation and may be designated a "person of interest" by the NSA.)
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Real World Job-hunting - Google
The next company we look at for potential corporate employment is Google. What does it take to get a job at this internet colossus? Take a look:
Enjoy what you do, where you do it, and the people you do it with.
What is it that you really want to do? Your master plan, not just your 5-year plan. At Google, our strategy is simple: we hire great people and support them in turning their aspirations into reality. We work hard here, and play here, and dream here. Googlers are bright, passionate people with diverse backgrounds, coming together to create a unique culture. One where the open exchange of ideas is encouraged and thinking beyond the norm is expected, no matter what position you happen to hold. Working at Google is as much a mindset as it is a job.
Your Faking Smart! tip: As far as you or I can tell, Google's gradual domination of the universe will take time ...and yes, plenty of employees! That's where you come in. If you've got the Google mindset, you've got the Google job! So think "beyond the norm" when telling them that "coming together" is exactly what you do best. For this company we suggest "turning your aspirations into reality" by utilizing the FSRI-developed personal ad approach. The internet means cutting-edge, cutting edge means sharp, and sharp means sexy! Send in a personal ad/application to this icon of the internet - something revealing your steamier side - and be sure to seal this envelope with some virtual perfume and a kiss. Apply using this open letter format:
Location: (your city)
Occupation: Job-hunter/huntress
Education: B.A. Physics - the movement of bodies
Ethnicity: (your ethnicity)
Speaks: French, Italian, Portuguese, English, C++, html, JavaScript
Relationship Status: Single(?)
Interests: Hyperlinking, web-browsing, working, playing and dreaming hard, Googling (many times a day when I'm alone), dancing, karaoke, hot tubs, candlelight dinners and long kisses.
My Goods
Height: 5 ft 11 in (give or take an inch or two or three)
Body Type: Average - athletic - firm.
Hair Length: Luscious - perfect
Eye Color: Varies, depending on angle of my computer screen.
My Habits
Cigarettes: Prefer not to say
Booze: Prefer not to say
Drugs: Prefer not to say
You
Age between: 9 and 11
Profession: Master of Worlds
Religion: Scale-free Networks
Ethnicity: Binary
Body Type: Virtual
Have Children: no preference
Want Children: Yes!
Drugs: no
Smoking: no
Drinking: I'm a VERY social drinker
REMEMBER: Google wants you to "enjoy what you do, where you do it, and the people you do it with." It's that simple ..."no matter what position you hold." Look smart for this company (...and sexy, too.) Insist on a good position and don't settle for anything less!
Give us an update on how the application went!
KWA
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Faking Smart! - Making Your Business Ours
As we have shown, In the last couple of decades the paradigm for finding good, solid corporate work has shifted away from the days when it was necessary to call up the old party boss and request that he "grease a few gears on the old corporate machine" to get your foot in the door at company X, Y or Z. The internet and modern telecommunications has done away with such tawdry political back-tickling. Today boasts a better era - an era where getting corporate work is as democratic as apple pie ...an era where simply eating apple pie gives you many more options than if you weren't eating apple pie. (Blueberry pie is also good.) The point is, we at the FSRI don't really care what you are eating when out of the office. What we do care about is that you are in your office and that you are Faking Smart! safely and successfully, and to do so you need corporate work, and to find corporate work you need to be - YES - Faking Smart!
For the millions of regular readers who pay moderate attention to the strategies and ruminations that occur here on nearly a daily basis, you may not realize it but you are party to a revolution in thought itself. When you stare blankly into the vortical might of the FSRI's schemes and claims you are witnessing the breakdown of logic and the buildup of a higher and more expedient corporate epistemology. The more you read the clearer it gets! And the clearer it gets the less you want to read about it! Get it?
DON'T READ SO MUCH. FAKING SMART! HAS YOUR BRASS NAMEPLATE ORDERED AND ON ITS WAY. SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE RIDE. FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES AND TRUST IN THE TRUST WE HAVE IN YOU.
Next up: Temp Agencies and Decateur Thoms's weekly business roundup.
KWA
For the millions of regular readers who pay moderate attention to the strategies and ruminations that occur here on nearly a daily basis, you may not realize it but you are party to a revolution in thought itself. When you stare blankly into the vortical might of the FSRI's schemes and claims you are witnessing the breakdown of logic and the buildup of a higher and more expedient corporate epistemology. The more you read the clearer it gets! And the clearer it gets the less you want to read about it! Get it?
DON'T READ SO MUCH. FAKING SMART! HAS YOUR BRASS NAMEPLATE ORDERED AND ON ITS WAY. SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE RIDE. FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES AND TRUST IN THE TRUST WE HAVE IN YOU.
Next up: Temp Agencies and Decateur Thoms's weekly business roundup.
KWA
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