Well, as March finds itself quickly resolving its brief but reliable appearance this year, we here at the FSRI Blogging Division want to wish everyone a pleasant and moderately productive spring.
As the weather grows steadily warmer in these northern climbs, it is important to maintain focus at the workplace. Here are a few tips to keep your office appearances up, while reducing that of others:
1. Remember to APPEAR PRODUCTIVE. Stacks of papers on your desk are a true mark of someone putting in "the extra effort" needed to keep the company on track.
2. A good spring cleaning does wonders for a cubicle. If you can, throw everything out that was around during the winter months - this may include pictures of old boy or girlfriends, plants, cute office toys and fish. Start your spring by designing your cubicle with a new theme. Be daring, and most importantly, make your cubicle a representation of the person you think we think you should be!
3. Present your boss or manager with new insurmountable obstacles. Infect the floor computers with esoteric and heretofore unseen viruses from eastern Europe. Instill fear of an office outbreak of bubonic plague. Finally, spread rumors of a corporate-wide "reshuffling" of staff. Remember, you are the next in line for the management position. Making it tough on your manager is a great way to "pave your way to future success!"
4. Disseminate new photos of your classic Fiat (...any magazine or internet photo will do). Tell your co-workers that it's still in the shop, but the second your clutch is repaired you'll give everyone a ride (...as long as the brakes hold out.) Owning and driving an exotic foreign car makes a good impression on your co-workers and it catches the eye of upper management!
5. Throw in a pizza party this Friday! Order eight pizzas over the company phone (or anyone's phone but yours) ...when the pizzas arrive claim to have nothing to do with it. This "pizza party" increases worker moral while at the same time forcing management to empty its pockets to avoid worker resentment and dissent.
Great work! Keep Faking Smart!, and we'll see you soon.