Tuesday, August 24, 2010

And the Winner is... Pilot Precise Grip Pen!

Congratulations Pilot for making a pen office workers can count on.  Why was Pilot rated the best over Pentel ...take a look for yourself and see what our FSRI Testing Division discovered:

Advantages Pilot had over Pentel:
1.  You can see how much ink is left through a slender window on the side.
2.  It had a nice, rubbery (sticky) finger grip surface.
3.  It's simple styling was minimalist and functional.
4.  The pen was evenly silver in color.
5.  It produced a fine line of ink suitable for nearly any office need.

Where the Pentel pen fell short:
1.  It's cap had tacky heating vents, as if it needed to cool down after use.
2.  "Metal Tip", "Liquid Gel Ink", "ENERGEL", "0.7 mm ball", "RECYCOLOGY", "Recap after use" ...and to top it all off, the pen even had a bar code at the base.  Come on, Pentel!  Really?
3.  Its rubber finger grip felt like the slimy touch of carp skin.
4.  Do you really need to boast about your 0.7 mm ball?  I was certain the 0.8 mm ball was at the edge of pen technology.
5.  The plastic casting produced an unattractive, mottled color to the cap.  The silver of the body of the pen was slightly (though surprisingly) different than that of the cap ...as if they were manufactured at different plants.  Now that's unprofessional.

So there you have it.  With this knowledge, go forth and achieve vast happiness and success.  Just don't bring a Pentel Energel along with you or ruin and despair is sure to plague you.


Friday, August 20, 2010

Decateur's Weekly Business Roundup

Ok, man, it's been a while.  Whatever...

For all those out there, the numbers have been pretty grim as of late.  I think the stock market has been down, and I'm pretty sure that consumer spending has been lack-luster as well.  What does this mean?  Well, it depends on how you look at it.  If stocks are down, try your luck in the bond market.  If consumer spending is no better than it was six months ago - well, if you're savvy, make the transition to long-term growth!  Guys ...this has '80s written all over it.

What is always disappointing is when people come up to me and say: "Decateur, are we ever going to get out of this lending haze?"  Or... "Decateur, are you ever going to mow my lawn?"

To them I say: "Just relax.  I'll get to it when I get to it.  It's been way hot and my mower is still all caked up with Mrs. Pelkey's grass from two weeks ago."  Also, I've got plenty of other problems.  Somebody went in and cornered the iron ore market in WOW and I can't find any good smelting opportunities for my pay-dirt steel.  And where is Twigglymcgee!?  (You know who you are...)

I heard Cory Doctorow has a new book out - For the Win - about mining in online gaming.  If I get any time to read (...which is highly improbably, due to all the time I spend writing my weekly business roundups for the FSRI), I think I might download his book to my mom's new Kindle.  'Course, I'll have to ask her if I can borrow it.  But whatever...

For the Hoard.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And the Winner of our First Annual Pen-Off is...

...as of yet, undecided.  Our FSRI Pen-Testing division was in deadlock as of this afternoon, so KWA has offered to be the deciding vote.  He will announce his decision after his return from a fund-raising lunch in Seattle this week.

FSRI Pen-Testing Division

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Pilot Pen? - It Proves a Point!

When our FSRI pen-testing division was put to the task of testing the new Pilot Precise Grip pen, we were eager to see what they discovered.  Our division took 350 executive employees and assigned each a Pilot pen.  They were then instructed, individually, to go out into the real world and in the space of three days to sign as many documents as they possibly could.  Here's what they found:

The Pilot Precise Grip, while not as "beefy" as its Pentel counterpart, was more than adequate for the task it was presented with.  On average, each staff employee taking part in the study found that they could sign up to as many as 124 documents in a day.  That makes, on average, 372 documents signed in the space of three days.  Wow, guys, nice work!  According to the participants, the Pilot Pen glided over the "Sign and Date" portion of the contract or confession, "...like tracing your name in thin air."

Our final evaluation: the Pilot Precise Grip should be proud at what it's accomplished.  It proved to be a great, light-weight partner to anybody interested in putting his or her name down in ink.  The only problem we did find with this pen was that putting a signature down on any document that finds its way in front of you may not be the best policy to go by.

After completing this study, the FSRI was flooded with a litany of legal issues that will take no less than 20 years to untangle.  Out of the appoximately 140,000 signatures signed during our study, 3,679 of those were confessions to murder in the 2nd degree.  1,479 confessions were signed on murder in the 1st degree. 102,073 signatures were signed agreeing to auto loans or leases on foreign sports cars and 13,899 signatures went towards applying for active duty in the U.S. Armed Services.  The remainder of the signatures went towards petitions to repeal city public urination ordinances.


Our mark - 4 STARS