Decateur Reviews the iPad

Hey, what's up? Whatever...

So, I just got my new iPad after waiting weeks for it to arrive via surface shipping from the Apple store and KWA asked me to write up a review for the blog. Go figure...

So, in my opinion, the iPad is a really great thing. It does so much stuff that it's hard to talk about it all. But I guess I'll try anyway.

The iPad has all the basics. It's like a computer that you can carry around with you! It can do emails and web-surfing. You can even play games on it. It's really, really cool...! One thing I like about the iPad is that it's not very heavy. It's about as heavy as a toaster ...or a small lamp, maybe. It's also cool because you don't have to fold it up like you do with a laptop. You just set it on the table and leave it there. The only problem I've found with the iPad is that if you leave it on the floor you might forget about it and step on it.

Anyway, so I don't really own and iPad, but if I did this would probably be what I would say about it. If you really want to know about the iPad, probably the best thing to do is to ask somebody who bought one to see what he or she thinks of it. That's your best bet, in my opinion.

So, please don't write in and ask me what I think about the iPad. I just don't know enough about it to tell you. I'm sorry, but that's just how it is right now. When I can afford one, then maybe I'll go out and buy one and give all my fans out there a good review of it. But until then, right now I got other things to deal with. I still got to come up with this month's rent, and my mom's starting to put a lot of pressure on me. She thinks I'm "surfing too much on the internets." And I'm like, Mom, you don't even know what "the internet's" are! She's draining my mana.

Later,

Decateur

What to Do When Someone is Bothering You at Work...

You're all set to start your day at the office. You've got your latte in your hand and the last couple of morning yawns escape from your mouth as you step up to your cubicle to start your day and - ZAP - it happens.

Out of the corner of your eye you spot somebody that bothers you. You've forgotten all about it, but you quickly remember that this co-worker has really been bothering you lately. It's just going to be another long day at work, you start to think to yourself. If only this person would quit bothering me, I might be able to get something done!

How many times have you encountered this situation before starting your day? If you're like billions upon billions of other people around the globe, you're not alone. Try the following "sure-fire" tactics to put an end to your problem so you can get on with your day and your career and not feel bothered while doing it!

1. Pretend this person doesn't exist: If this person approaches you, look right through him or her as if that person were merely a cloud of air. If another coworker brings up this person's name shake your head and act like you don't understand? Who, you may ask, are they talking about? Research has shown that if you deny somebody's existence, that person will cease to exist! Now, if the person that bothers you is your boss, you might run into trouble when using this tactic.

2. Scream when that person comes near you: It's true, people don't like to be screamed at. If the person who bothers you approaches you to talk or ask a question, scream at the top of your lungs! Do this whenever this person comes near you. Then start doing it whenever this person is in the same room. Soon this person will understand that whenever he or she is near you a large scream is sure to follow. Before you know it this person will never bother you again!

3. Hide whenever you see the person that is bothering you: If ignoring or screaming don't indicate that you are being bothered, try hiding whenever the person that is bothering you comes near. The more you hide, the better you start to learn about the layout of your office. Once you start to know the habits of the person who is bothering you, you can usually be sure to find a place to hide where that person is least likely to be!

4. Tell your boss to fire the person who is bothering you: If your boss doesn't understand the logic behind your request, then ask your boss to transfer or "move" the person bothering you to another location in the company.

5. Tell all your coworkers that aren't bothering you to tell the coworker that is bothering you not to bother you any more: If the person bothering you doesn't get the clue, then, chances are this person will continue to bother you and you should get used to it. Sooner or later, this person will die; and so will you. At that point you won't be bothered by this person any more.

6. Shoot invisible quantum rays at the person: Close your eyes and concentrate. When your level of focus has reached its peak, shoot a series of disruptive quantum rays at the person who is bothering you. If the rays don't disrupt the person, you can feel good anyway because you shot a good dose of quantum rays into this person's head!

7. Find out what the person's name is and call that person by a

different name.

8. When the person who bothers you approaches to talk, snort like a pig or bulldog whenever a point is made. Nod frequently and snort. Offer this person a sip from your latte. Poke your finger in this persons ear when they are trying to be serious.

9. When the person bothering you is standing close to you, shake and shiver like you're standing in 20 below cold weather. Do this all the time whenever this person is near you. Also, try laughing out loud whenever you shake and shiver.

10. When the person who is bothering you is hard to find, start looking around the office for this person. If he or she is trying to hide from you, you can be fairly certain that that person won't be bothering you anymore.

Decateur's Weekly Business Roundup

Hey, whats up? Whatever...

Hey, ah, the FSRI told me today that a lot was going on in the world when it came to business this week, and that they wanted a new Business Roundup to cap the the blog for Friday. I told them I wasn't interested, and then they told me that I had to because they pay me to do this. Whatever...

So, first off you've got the senate hearings on finance reform that happened earlier this week. If you ask me, it's basically a lot of blowhards trying to strut their stuff. Basically, this hearing was all about Goldman Sachs being in the hot seat for gambling investors money on speculative products. At least that's what my friend Pete says. He used to have a series seven annuity license until he was fired for stalking one of the banks clients. LOL. What a idiot!

Anyway, so you've got the Greek thing going on and the oil spill in the Gulf. Man, this all sucks. My mom was planning a trip to Santorini this summer, but she's wondering if she should do it now. THIS IS A CATASTROPHE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS! See, I was counting on having the house to myself for 10 days, and now that plan may be a complete waste. She has cable upstairs, dude, and I need a break...!

So, good luck with all your business stuff. I gotta take off and see what I can get for Titansteel at the WOW auction house. Hopefully is around 130gs.

Later,

Decateur

FSRI-Global Set to Unveil Mission Statement in AM Press Conference

Albany, NY - FSRI-Global is poised to announce its new mission statement to onlookers at an a.m. press briefing next week in New York State's capital. Since forming its new subsidiary, the FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) has been closely watched by industry specialists to determine just what impact this new branch of the FSRI will have on target markets.

"It's a dice roll, if you ask me," says insider analyst Colby Tidbitter. "FSRI-Global first has to show us a balance sheet and then show us results. Otherwise, this might be just one more propaganda stunt we sometimes see from the FSRI."

"I think this is significant," says "Pints and Counter-Points" editor Malcomb Fisher. "When the FSRI dips its feet into new waters, you have to grab a towel, stand up and take notice?"

At the time of this article the FSRI was unavailable for comment.

FSRI-Global Opens New Office in Spiral-like Building in Downtown Seattle

We're all happy here at the FSRI to announce our newest office building in the Pacific Northwest. Come to our "meet and greet" cookout next Thursday if you can, and feel free to bring a friend!

This new office will serve, mostly, as a logistics hub for FSRI-Global, a new FSRI division handling local, regional, state, national, and global information.

Wednesday is National Professional Assistant's Day

Hey, everybody. Haven't been posting for a while, but, whatever...

So, KWA wanted me to remind everyone that there's a national holiday coming up next week. For any and all who have national professional assistant, Wednesday is the day you should recognize that person.

Now, at present, I, personally, don't have an assistant. But that doesn't mean that I'm not important! Not at all. Actually, I'm pretty important when it comes to a lot of stuff, but I just don't want an assistant coming around and messing up my desk and all that. I got enough to worry about.

So, I guess that is it. I gotta get back to my raiding party on World of Warcraft right now. Some serious s&*t is going down, and I gotta have enough mana potions to get through this raid.

OUT

Lin Yu Chun Wins FSRI Talent Search!

We are proud to announce the FSRI winner in our annual Faking Smart! Universal Talent Search!

The winner is: Lin Yu Chun, of Taiwan. After his performance on Tainwan TV last night, our panel was left speechless. No other contestant came close to Lin's performance.

Congratulations Lin! You've won our hearts, now just show up at our April Class FSIHL commencement ceremony (per your contract) and all is good! BTW ...WE LOVE YOUR HAIRCUT!