Thursday, January 17, 2008

Poisoned Cookies

An account of FSRI break room activity:

On a recent afternoon I happened across an open bag of cookies sitting on the counter in our main FSRI break room. I was surprised (and in hindsight, perhaps should have been suspicious), that such a delightful dessert had been left behind and forgotten. I was even more excited to learn that these cookies were not exactly cookies, but Dutch chocolate hazelnut wafer treats. Being a devoted fan of hazelnut I indulged myself with vigor. In fact I made several trips into the break room that afternoon to secretly nibble away at the contents of this pleasurable discovery. At home that evening I fell gravely ill, throwing up everything, I believe, I had eaten in the past month.

After taking a day off of work to recover, I returned to the FSRI offices and quicky learned from a co-worker that Jill, one of our foreign policy advisers, had also fallen ill after buying and eating those Dutch hazelnut wafers. (It took her three days to return to her former self...) Upon hearing this I immediately went to the break room and discovered that the bag of wafers was still there waiting for its next unsuspecting victim. I sent for security and ordered the bag incinerated, making it clear that if I found that bag circulating in the security offices, there would be no end to my wrath.

My professional reaction:
-I delivered a written reprimand to Jill (...which she received with surprising nonchalance.)

-I outlawed Dutch hazelnut wafers from ever appearing on the FSRI premises.

-I sent a memo asserting a new edict that desserts, if they were to be eaten and left behind in the FSRI break room, must have medical testing clearance and be so indicated by a sticker on the outer packaging of the product.

Since the implementation of these new regulations I am glad to announce that no one has fallen ill from eating Dutch hazelnut wafer crackers at FSRI headquarters. (These regulations are still awaiting approval at our Utrecht offices...)


1 comment:

BrentD said...

Are sure she "accidentally" left it for you?

Is it a coincidence that this poison came in one for your favorite flavors?

I think not.

Best keep an eye on that Jill character.