With the winter weather giving America a good old fashioned sock in the kisser, we here at the FSRI thought we'd share some of our secret research on today's troubled carmaker. Our research came to the following conclusions about people who own late-model Toyotas:
1. No more coworkers bothering you for a ride to work.
2. Speeding tickets are now a thing of the past. You've got a star witness in the federal government!
3. Climbing into your Prius is just like turning on an EA racing game on your PC.
4. Hitchhikers will shake their heads and wave you by.
5. You become the center of attention when boarding a car ferry.
6. The MacDonald's order window is now a test of existential courage.
7. No more feeling guilty for not picking up that hitchhiker? You couldn't have stopped for him anyway...!
8. No more anxieties about losing control of your car while driving in bad weather.
9. Your car is now a tool of coercion: If you kids don't finish their homework, tell them you'll be taking them to school tomorrow in ...THE CAMRY!
10. It's a great conversation piece.
Drive Safe, the FSRI