Thursday, September 13, 2007

Careers at the FSRI

After weeks of exploring other corporate websites and giving you a rundown on how to apply for work at each of these companies, we here at the FSRI decided to come up with our own Careers Mission Statement. Read through it and see if you're an FSRI fit!

If you can imagine it, it's probably already been imagined before and you shouldn't stress out about it. That's where the FSRI comes in. At the FSRI your career begins when you're hired ...and it ends years later after you decide that you don't want to work here any more. Who fits in at the FSRI? Everybody! If your dreams dare to fly higher than the highest mountain, and your career path is clearly marked over easy terrain, then you may have what we're looking for. Are you a "go-getter" you like to run for lunch when others are sitting around during a meeting? Are you a "take charge" type of person who will shoot out to Office Max and put a ream of printer paper on your own credit card when the office has run out? If you answered yes to these questions, take some time off and examine why you were looking for work at the FSRI in the first place.

With between 3 and 38,756 employees in many countries around the world, the FSRI is at the top of the Faking Smart! field. If you put all our employees in front of a gigantic mirror you'd notice a commonality of traits. These traits are what we call the Faking Smart! "core qualities." If at least five of the seven "core qualities" are part of your personality the FSRI may be the place for you!

Our "core qualities" are:

Punctuality: Can you get to work within an hour of your starting time ...and leave no earlier than an hour before you're scheduled to leave?

Hunger: When you're hungry can you let your co-workers know so that everyone can throw some money in for subs or a pizza?

Drive: Do you have a driver's license? If not, can you take a bus or train to get to work?

Sacrifice: Are you willing to commit to at least three solid days of work per week? Are you willing to actually do some work now and then?

Yearning: Do you have the kind of yearning that pushes you to get your work done so that you can beat traffic on Fridays?

Love: Do you love yourself ...or, do you love, at least, your parents and or pet?

Loyalty: Do you have what it takes to abide by the FSRI code of honor? Do you have what it takes to observe most of the above "core qualities" and to see them through to the conclusion of tenure at the FSRI?

Apply for a job and let us know how it goes!



Speedcat Hollydale said...

I fit your parameters for hire, but the bus does not come by my camper. Can you pick me up? I will spring for gas when it's under 3.00

My address is route 7, tree 10.

PS...I hate name tags, will I need one?

Karl Wolfbrooks Ager said...

Yes, I can pick you up. And no, you won't need a name tag. We use security badges that clip neatly to your hip. But Speedcat, you must send in your application before we can hire you. Then the drug testing starts ...the psychological profiling, the physical score-card and the torture resilience metering. Joking aside, I wish you'd take this more seriously, Speedcat.