FSRI APOLOGIZES FOR BLOG POST

Philadelphia--In a move that surprised internet blogging fans, the FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) announced late today that its blog division published a blog post last week that might have caused some consternation. What appeared to be a blog post composed entirely of one run-on sentence was, in fact, a post inadvertently released by the division's new, yet unapproved, automated blog post generator.

"To put it simply, this took us all by surprise." said Carrol Owens, VP of Blogging and Publicity. "No one in the blogging division was impressed by the trial phase of the post generator. Why this last post got out is a question we have solve through normal investigative channels."

When asked if a mistake like this was likely to happen again, Ms. Owens was confident that it wouldn't. "We've powered down the post generator, " she said. "Two VPs from the blogging research lab have been put on administrative leave. The likelihood of this re-occuring is about the same as a health care bill passing congress this year, " she laughed.

The FSRI is one of the most famous institutes of modern business studies in the world. The FSRI recently opened a new office in Ankara, Turkey.

Please Read This Important Information:

no matter what you do for your company the outcome of your work boils down to how well you process information understanding your role as a processor of information will help give you a keener understanding of your own specific work responsibilities while allowing you to see how information in a broader sense influences the failure or success of your company your primary objective as an employee is to take in information filter it apply it and then finally analyze and evaluate it whether or not you are the president of the company a member of the marketing team or operations team or working the night shift in customer service each of these people has the equal task of being presented with information and acting upon it EXAMPLE say a frustrated and angry customer calls in to complain about a certain feature your software company we’ll call your company a software company in this example provides in one of its applications with good training and good instincts the customer service agent will quickly categorize this complaint in a number of ways is it a user end hardware problem a user-end operations system problem a poor description of the feature in the applications literature or is it a flaw in the software design his is the phase of taking in and filtering information after diffusing the caller’s exasperation the agent recalls a similar scenario documented a week earlier involving a different client the case was nearly identical to the current case and after going over past notes the agent is able to quickly resolve the customer’s complaint and close the case with a happy and satisfied clienst is this agent’s work completed now two scenarios where customers have expressed dissatisfaction about inadequate feature descriptions in the software literature the agent sees a pattern developing and out of diligence reports this deficiency to the supervisor his is the analyzing phase of the information path and it serves the company in the agent’s perspective to stave off further complaints and to generate better customer service now someone else has information to take in filter apply analyze and evaluate the supervisor with good judgement and good training now has to filter this information and decide what course of action to take can the agent now consider his or her work on this case finished did notifying the supervisor of the pattern of disgruntled clients produce any significant result this is the evaluative phase of that source of information a good agent may with a comprehensive understanding of the company’s communicative pipeline wait to see what the results of his or her report produced are there an increasing number of callers sounding out the same concerns another report to the supervisor …and still no modification to the literature or online update at this point the frustration level of the agent might be forgiven and a couple of outcomes may result first the agent a quality employee may grow increasingly indifferent to acting on important information and eventually seek employment where his or her services receive greater respect second the employee grows indifferent to discovering and identifying critical developing issues with products and becomes a ZOMBIE employee the employee is there out with no heart in the game or third the employee may find other ways to circumvent the supervisor’s inability to influence the necessary changes there may be an internet forum where some of these problems can be addressed or the agent may have a friend in another company department where concerns about poor literature can be vented and acted upon what we will never understand in the above scenario (looking at it from the agent’s perspective) is what the supervisor was experiencing in other words are other more pressing problems occupying the supervisor’s list of things to get done regarding the software that the agent is unaware of or is the supervisor running into a brick wall—getting nowhere—as he or she tries to relay to the product development team the importance of the agent’s advice it’s hard to tell but the third option for the agent—going through an internet forum or talking to someone outside of customer service—seems like one of the best ways to constructively approach the problem so there you have it follows then that information equals power—when applied good information i.e. filtered information once accurately analyzed and evaluated gives the power to inform decision making and informed decisions determine whether a company is able to sink or swim in the precarious and ever shifting landscape of the marketplace

We hope you understand what was said in the above text...

KWA

10 REASONS TO BE HAPPY THAT YOU OWN A TOYOTA!

With the winter weather giving America a good old fashioned sock in the kisser, we here at the FSRI thought we'd share some of our secret research on today's troubled carmaker. Our research came to the following conclusions about people who own late-model Toyotas:

1. No more coworkers bothering you for a ride to work.

2. Speeding tickets are now a thing of the past. You've got a star witness in the federal government!

3. Climbing into your Prius is just like turning on an EA racing game on your PC.

4. Hitchhikers will shake their heads and wave you by.

5. You become the center of attention when boarding a car ferry.

6. The MacDonald's order window is now a test of existential courage.

7. No more feeling guilty for not picking up that hitchhiker? You couldn't have stopped for him anyway...!

8. No more anxieties about losing control of your car while driving in bad weather.

9. Your car is now a tool of coercion: If you kids don't finish their homework, tell them you'll be taking them to school tomorrow in ...THE CAMRY!

10. It's a great conversation piece.

Drive Safe, the FSRI

FSRI DECLARES TODAY AN OFFICIAL "EMPLOYEE REGOGNITION DAY"

If you've been grumpy or upset during the last week, don't despair. Today you are officially permitted to be happy.

Yes, it's true. The FSRI has declared that today you can be as happy a day as you like. You can sing and hum while at work. You can do some goofy stuff ...like send some crazy links, like stupid YouTube antics, around on office email. You can even bring a puppy or sphinx lizard to work (...if you have one!)

Today, plain and simple, is to enjoy the fact that you're at work, no matter what "those above you" have to say or think about it. You might have made a couple of friends over the years where you are; or, you might, at times, really get into what you do. In any case, today's the day to remind yourself that ...eh, sometimes it's okay. Sometimes things are going all right, and today's the day to recognize that fact.

For anybody still miserable where they work (or for those recently laid off), please regard the above statements as false or misleading.

KWA

GETTING LAID OFF

The economy is still in the doldrums, and your company has been doing everything in its power to remind you of this. Rumors of layoffs still run through the ranks and there is even talk that entire company divisions may be on the "chopping block" in and effort to reign in costs and to re-tool strategy for coming challenges.

And there you sit, smack dab in the middle of all this corporate chaos, wondering if you will be the next victim of this indomitable and indiscriminate steam-roller. Then you get this weird feeling ...that others know something you don't know. There's an overly generous smile sent you in the elevator, or you get this clammy handshake that feels like you've been diagnosed with some rare, but fatal disease. In other words, you know something's up. Your quarterly or bi-monthly review isn't this week, yet you've been called into a special meeting that no one else in your department has been asked to attend. Could it be...? Yes, it is. This is your termination meeting and here's a set of dos and don'ts to follow:

First off: when you discover that your meeting is going to be held, don't start the celebrations too soon. There are many instances where an employee thinks he or she is getting laid off and immediately begins with vacation plans, the organization of parties or shoots off a slew of emails joyfully anticipating the "inevitable" only to discover later that he or she has been awarded a promotion and given a salary increase. Sure, this is hard on the employee, but can you imagine the embarrassment this person must now suffer as he or she backtracks to break the bad news?

Second: When you are sitting down at the table and are told that you are being terminated, don't jump up and start shouting "hurray!" Try to act somewhat mortified. Create an image in your head of something sad, like a falling DOW or your parents funeral. If you act too happy it comes off as impertinent or unprofessional. Keep your emotions under lid until you're out of the office and heading for home. Then you can jump and shout and celebrate all you want.

Third: Don't be effusive with thanks and praise to your employers after they've let you go. Sure, you're life has just changed for the better, but rubbing it in isn't going to get you that potential reference you might need down the line. Never burn a bridge. Yes, this may be the best thing that's happened in your life, but don't remind the people the just fired you that they still have to come into work the next day.

GOOD LUCK! If you're ever laid off from a company, it means that you shouldn't have been there in the first place, and that better and grander things await you in your productive and happy future life away from this place. Perhaps it's time you signed up for a course on Faking Smart!? Who knows ...you just might learn something you never should have learned in the first place!

KWA

FSRI Denies Filing for Bankruptcy Protection

SACRAMENTO - The FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute), in press release today, denies that it has filed for bankruptcy protection under federal law. Chief Spokesperson and VP of Media Relations, Ella Foster, confirms the statement.

"We want to reassure all of our investors, both domestically and internationally, that the financials of the FSRI are sound and that the rumors of this bankruptcy filing is unfounded," says Foster. "What we are focusing on now is recruiting for our FSIHL class of March, 2010. That's our focus and that's what we want people to be thinking about."

The FSRI has recently been dogged by claims that its subsidiary Alaskan herring fisheries, FSRI - Pickled Products Inc., has been hemorrhaging cash, and that its national franchise of cat training schools, Tabby Tamers Co., has seen many of its facilities close.

"We're struggling in this economy like everyone else," claims Foster. "You have to adapt and adjust. That's what we do at the FSRI. It's part of our mission statement."

An FSRI annual statement is due out in May, 2010.

THE CORPORATE ZOMBIE CODE OF HONOR

This is amazing. The FSRI has just uncovered this astounding literature about the code of honor among, yes, CORPORATE ZOMBIES!

1. Never eat your boss.

2. Change set of clothes at least once per month.

3. Be silent when leaving phone message. "Uhhhhhhhh!" is unprofessional.

4. Wait til lunch or after work to "taste" or chew on coworkers.

5. Remember: laptops don't work well covered in bile and drool.

6. Avoid speech: it's embarrassing to yourself and those around you.

7. Be discrete with office romance. No one likes PDAs, especially zombie on zombie PDAs.

8. Don't bite. Settle differences on the squash court.

9. At cocktail parties, find a corner, turn towards it and stay.

10. Yes, you're stupid and unhappy. You're a corporate zombie, get used to it!

KWA and the FSRI