Friday, August 31, 2007

Decateur's Weekly Business Roundup

Hey everyone, what's up?

I'm sure you're here this week for my regular cutting-edge business reporting. Well, that's not gonna happen. My mom wants the back yard cleaned up for a cookout she's having on Monday, and I just downloaded the Wing Commander Saga demo and I've been sucked into ridding the galaxy of the Kilrathi infestation. In other words, I don't have the time.

So instead of giving you my standard in-depth analysis of the past week's market trends, I'll just shoot you some quick business pointers that I've learned through the years.

1. Never place an E*Trade "buy" order after consuming three or more IPAs - or if you've been taking Vicodin for dental work.

2. Never call your dad up asking for money that you've lost placing "compromised" E*Trade orders.

3. Never place E*Trade orders.

4. Never ask your friend's girlfriend to kiss you after consuming three or more IPAs.

5. Never invest in a tip given to you through an "anonymous" email.

6. Never buy a sailboat unless you enjoy crumpling up hundred dollar bills and throwing them away. (I've never been on a sailboat - I get seasick looking at water - but this what a friend told me.)

Okay, that's if for now. And no, I'm not going to my mom's cookout. I'll be far, far, away when that goes down.

See ya next week. ...Maybe.


(Decateur Thoms is one of the most renowned graduates of the FSIHL (Faking Smart Institute for Higher Learning.) He is an expert thinker, commentator and columnist on a wide range of business subjects and he is recognized by the Faking Smart! Global Fund for his work in helping disadvantaged investors understand the current, global investment marketplace.)

1 comment:

Speedcat Hollydale said...

The not kissing part will be a hard one...My Mom wants me to shave - NO WAY!!!!!

I do not know what to do without business advice, I'm worried :)

-SpeedyCat Hollywood (I like chicken)