Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Getting the System You Need

At our present understanding your work computer serves one sole function: to make you appear busy and productive. Without it you would come off as lazy, if not "frozen", unable to send and receive email, accidentally delete files, play solitaire, update your calendar or log onto the interweb to find movie reviews, sport scores or to follow the developments of your favorite blogs. In essence you would become a zombie, incapable of modern communication and a drag on company payroll. To succeed at work and to flourish at Faking Smart! it is imperative, not only that you have a computer, but that you have the latest, top-of-the-line system in to maximize your ability to appear busy and productive and to maximize the good impression you make on your co-workers, and most importantly, your boss.

"So, how do I get the latest, top-of-the-line computer out of my boss and company?"

Good question. There are many ways (according to my own experience and the research done at the FSRI) of getting your company to fulfill your wishes. Here are the best:

1. The request: ask your boss if you can get a better computer. This may surprise him or her, and you may not be taken seriously, but it's worth a try. If your request goes through and you are awarded a new system it may still take several months for the paperwork to go through and several months before you actually see a new computer sitting on your desk. If it looks like it will take a long time to get a computer through direct request try moving to the next method.

2. Require that you computer be replaced. This is achieved by damaging or destroying your current computer system. If, after having your antiquated system ruined beyond repair, you are given a "new" computer that is the same as your old one, you may have to exercise this method more than once to get your desired upgrade. If after several attempts to get a new system through this second method you still find yourself with the same run-of-the-mill computer, proceed to the fail-safe method three.

3. Protest your current predicament. The visible despair you convey to everyone at your workplace, that your current computer is so completely inadequate that it borders on notification of Amnesty International, will warrant that your situation find quick review by your superiors. The FSRI has done thorough research on the "protest" method of getting a new computer. This method should be used only in the most dire of situations.

A detailed description of these three methods will come with later posts. Until then evaluate your current condition and see where you stand.


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