Due to current economic exigencies, the operations team, after cursory review, has concluded that a number of services provided to your floor personnel will be either reduced or fully eliminated. Effective tomorrow:
1. No more heating will be provided to the main floor room. Encourage employees to dress in layers (wool is effective), wear hats and to take a quick laps around the office if an increase body temperature is necessary.
2. To conserve on electricity and water usage, bathrooms will be off limits to floor personnel. For this to work discourage the drinking of beverages during office hours—especially coffee! (In fact we recommend a complete ban of coffee on the floor to help accommodate this change.) If an employee absolutely needs to use the toilet, suggest that they use a peanut butter jar or use allotted break time to leave the building and seek a public facility nearby.
2. To conserve on electricity and water usage, bathrooms will be off limits to floor personnel. For this to work discourage the drinking of beverages during office hours—especially coffee! (In fact we recommend a complete ban of coffee on the floor to help accommodate this change.) If an employee absolutely needs to use the toilet, suggest that they use a peanut butter jar or use allotted break time to leave the building and seek a public facility nearby.
3. All water coolers will be converted to “recycled” water coolers. The bottoms of the cooler bottles will be cut open to allow water not completely consumed by personnel to be re-added to the existing bottle.
4. All lights (excluding manager's lights) will be turned off during business hours. Personnel will be required to bring a flashlight or battery powered lantern, or other suitable, approved lighting apparatuses to their workstations. Overhead lighting WILL be provided ten minutes before opening and ten minutes before closing, to safely illuminate walkways and to ensure employees find their seats.
5. All employees will be required to purchase and utilize their own computer systems. IT will assist in setting up and connecting these systems with the compa
4. All lights (excluding manager's lights) will be turned off during business hours. Personnel will be required to bring a flashlight or battery powered lantern, or other suitable, approved lighting apparatuses to their workstations. Overhead lighting WILL be provided ten minutes before opening and ten minutes before closing, to safely illuminate walkways and to ensure employees find their seats.
5. All employees will be required to purchase and utilize their own computer systems. IT will assist in setting up and connecting these systems with the compa
ny-wide network. If, however, an “outside” computer has been connected with the internal company network, this computer must remain on company grounds. This policy is a security measure to avoid accidental intelligence leaks to outside interests.
6. Printers will be disconnected and disabled. Insist that, from now on, all copies will be hand written.
7. All stock office materials, i.e. pens, paper, paperclips etc… must be purchased and provide by personnel. Any existing stock will be removed and donated to the humane society.
The break room will be locked and off limits during business hours. Its purpose will be reserved exclusively for employee interrogations.
6. Printers will be disconnected and disabled. Insist that, from now on, all copies will be hand written.
7. All stock office materials, i.e. pens, paper, paperclips etc… must be purchased and provide by personnel. Any existing stock will be removed and donated to the humane society.
The break room will be locked and off limits during business hours. Its purpose will be reserved exclusively for employee interrogations.
