Thursday, March 31, 2011


Yes, it's true!  Sometime in the days ahead, Decateur Thoms, the FSRI's resident consultant and internet personality, will post his exclusive interview with Martin Fossum, co-author of the famous Faking Smart! book.

No spoilers here, but word has it that this is an interview you don't want to miss!  Decateur's merciless wit and razor sharp intellect sheds heretofore unshed light upon the mysterious process that culminated in the book many are describing as one of the most dangerous and subversive business texts of its time.

"This is something you don't want to miss," said Mr. Thoms when reached by phone earlier today.  "Sure, Karl W. Ager got all the attention when the book came out, but Fossum is the one you want to go to to find out what really went down.  Don't worry... you'll see what I'm talking about."

Thursday, March 24, 2011


We all know what it's like to fly these days.  First there's all the fuss to get to the airport; then you have to wind your way through security lines, remove your shoes, flying cape and ascot before being subjected to a quick round of body cavity x-rays.  Only then are you permitted to dress yourself, locate your gate and take a minute to relax before your flight is called for boarding.

Then it hits you: "How am I going to impress the person sitting next to me on the flight?"

Don't worry!  Fortunately for you, you will have read this post and you'll know exactly how to handle this precarious situation.  At home, before you leave for your flight, be sure to take with you one thing.

Procure a copy of this book:

Now, when wedged between a 350 pound Hummer salesman and an eighty-year-old grandmother, you won't come off as any common plane-flying dolt!  When settled in your seat pull out your copy of this Hungarian/English, English/Hungarian dictionary and take a good look at its sprawling text!  When the Hummer salesman asks about what kind of snacks are on the flight, roll your eyes and shrug with pained disdain.  When the grandmother asks if you're Hungarian, slam the book shut and drop your head as if your were praying for deliverance.  If prodded, mention that you're on your way to Hungary to speak with a Nobel winning nuclear physicist about radioactive isotopes and the half lives of cesium 134.  Then rub your eyes as if to silence the unforgiving background static and return to your book.

Ta-da!  You've done it.  Never again will you have to wonder about what to do on a flight!

Good luck!

Thursday, March 17, 2011


On Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 2 a.m., you were instructed to set your clocks back one hour in recognition of the beginning of Daylight Savings Time.  This information was wrong.  What you should have done was set your clocks FORWARD one hour, not backward.

We now request that all readers of this updated post set their clocks forward TWO hours to account for the misleading information provided in the previous post.  In other words, if you read this post at 7:00 a.m., the actual time you are reading this post is 9:00 a.m., and you should adjust your clocks accordingly.  If, however, you find yourself reading this post at 9:00 a.m., then you're really reading it at 7:00 a.m. and need not worry.

Thank you and please return to work,

Sunday, March 13, 2011


To all employees and staff at the FSRI and FSIHL:

On Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 2 a.m., Daylight Savings Time begins in the United States.  Please remember to set your clocks back one hour.


Thursday, March 3, 2011

FSRI Pulls Regional Headquarters Out of Libya

Bowling Green, KY - The FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) announced early this morning, from its branch media locus in Bowling Green, Kentucky, that due to an escalation in violence and lack of regional stability it is withdrawing all but essential staff from its Tripoli offices.

"This decision was based on serious consideration of the safety and well-being of our staff," said Ella Foster, FSRI VP of Media Relations.  "What we don't want is to see one of our HR people drawn inadvertently into a civil war," she said.  "That's plain and simple bad for business..."

When asked if the FSRI has enjoyed the favoritism of the Libyan strongman, Muammar Qaddafi, over the past several years, Ms. Foster was quick to respond: "The FSRI has always had a policy of remaining neutral when it came to Qaddafi. That Qaddafi has been an advocate of the FSRI and a gracious host to many banquets and polo events in our honor has never influenced our working relationship with either Qaddafi or his regime.  Nor has his vast reserves of sweet crude had anything to do with our close ties. That Qaddafi has demonstrated psychotic fugues and exercised the wonton slaughter of thousands of his countrymen has also had no bearing on our judgement of the Libyan leader's business etiquette or corporate style."

When asked if the FSRI plans to return to Libya after the unrest has abated, Ms. Foster added this:  "When Libya wants the FSRI back, we will be there.  When the people of Libya have spoken, they will have said something with intent, and that's what we've come to appreciate about Libyans.  They know what they're saying and when they're saying it."

The FSRI staff has established temporary headquarters in Monaco while events in Libya continue.