Decateur's Weekly Business Roundup

Hey, whats up? Whatever...

Hey, ah, the FSRI told me today that a lot was going on in the world when it came to business this week, and that they wanted a new Business Roundup to cap the the blog for Friday. I told them I wasn't interested, and then they told me that I had to because they pay me to do this. Whatever...

So, first off you've got the senate hearings on finance reform that happened earlier this week. If you ask me, it's basically a lot of blowhards trying to strut their stuff. Basically, this hearing was all about Goldman Sachs being in the hot seat for gambling investors money on speculative products. At least that's what my friend Pete says. He used to have a series seven annuity license until he was fired for stalking one of the banks clients. LOL. What a idiot!

Anyway, so you've got the Greek thing going on and the oil spill in the Gulf. Man, this all sucks. My mom was planning a trip to Santorini this summer, but she's wondering if she should do it now. THIS IS A CATASTROPHE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS! See, I was counting on having the house to myself for 10 days, and now that plan may be a complete waste. She has cable upstairs, dude, and I need a break...!

So, good luck with all your business stuff. I gotta take off and see what I can get for Titansteel at the WOW auction house. Hopefully is around 130gs.

Later,

Decateur

FSRI-Global Set to Unveil Mission Statement in AM Press Conference

Albany, NY - FSRI-Global is poised to announce its new mission statement to onlookers at an a.m. press briefing next week in New York State's capital. Since forming its new subsidiary, the FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) has been closely watched by industry specialists to determine just what impact this new branch of the FSRI will have on target markets.

"It's a dice roll, if you ask me," says insider analyst Colby Tidbitter. "FSRI-Global first has to show us a balance sheet and then show us results. Otherwise, this might be just one more propaganda stunt we sometimes see from the FSRI."

"I think this is significant," says "Pints and Counter-Points" editor Malcomb Fisher. "When the FSRI dips its feet into new waters, you have to grab a towel, stand up and take notice?"

At the time of this article the FSRI was unavailable for comment.

FSRI-Global Opens New Office in Spiral-like Building in Downtown Seattle

We're all happy here at the FSRI to announce our newest office building in the Pacific Northwest. Come to our "meet and greet" cookout next Thursday if you can, and feel free to bring a friend!

This new office will serve, mostly, as a logistics hub for FSRI-Global, a new FSRI division handling local, regional, state, national, and global information.

Wednesday is National Professional Assistant's Day

Hey, everybody. Haven't been posting for a while, but, whatever...

So, KWA wanted me to remind everyone that there's a national holiday coming up next week. For any and all who have national professional assistant, Wednesday is the day you should recognize that person.

Now, at present, I, personally, don't have an assistant. But that doesn't mean that I'm not important! Not at all. Actually, I'm pretty important when it comes to a lot of stuff, but I just don't want an assistant coming around and messing up my desk and all that. I got enough to worry about.

So, I guess that is it. I gotta get back to my raiding party on World of Warcraft right now. Some serious s&*t is going down, and I gotta have enough mana potions to get through this raid.

OUT

Lin Yu Chun Wins FSRI Talent Search!

We are proud to announce the FSRI winner in our annual Faking Smart! Universal Talent Search!

The winner is: Lin Yu Chun, of Taiwan. After his performance on Tainwan TV last night, our panel was left speechless. No other contestant came close to Lin's performance.

Congratulations Lin! You've won our hearts, now just show up at our April Class FSIHL commencement ceremony (per your contract) and all is good! BTW ...WE LOVE YOUR HAIRCUT!