12 Glossy Prints and a Double Latte for the Road...

I thought I'd share this wintry spectacle with everyone. This is the view outside our Cascade Faking Smart! Headquarters (near Washington State) after a recent snowfall. Believe it or not, straight ahead and to the right is a Kinkos where many of my memos are faxed all around the world.

Good luck,
KWA

Poisoned Cookies

An account of FSRI break room activity:

On a recent afternoon I happened across an open bag of cookies sitting on the counter in our main FSRI break room. I was surprised (and in hindsight, perhaps should have been suspicious), that such a delightful dessert had been left behind and forgotten. I was even more excited to learn that these cookies were not exactly cookies, but Dutch chocolate hazelnut wafer treats. Being a devoted fan of hazelnut I indulged myself with vigor. In fact I made several trips into the break room that afternoon to secretly nibble away at the contents of this pleasurable discovery. At home that evening I fell gravely ill, throwing up everything, I believe, I had eaten in the past month.

After taking a day off of work to recover, I returned to the FSRI offices and quicky learned from a co-worker that Jill, one of our foreign policy advisers, had also fallen ill after buying and eating those Dutch hazelnut wafers. (It took her three days to return to her former self...) Upon hearing this I immediately went to the break room and discovered that the bag of wafers was still there waiting for its next unsuspecting victim. I sent for security and ordered the bag incinerated, making it clear that if I found that bag circulating in the security offices, there would be no end to my wrath.

My professional reaction:
-I delivered a written reprimand to Jill (...which she received with surprising nonchalance.)

-I outlawed Dutch hazelnut wafers from ever appearing on the FSRI premises.

-I sent a memo asserting a new edict that desserts, if they were to be eaten and left behind in the FSRI break room, must have medical testing clearance and be so indicated by a sticker on the outer packaging of the product.

Since the implementation of these new regulations I am glad to announce that no one has fallen ill from eating Dutch hazelnut wafer crackers at FSRI headquarters. (These regulations are still awaiting approval at our Utrecht offices...)

Karl

A Special Note From Decateur...

This is not a football blog.  However, when a certain team produces certain results ...and dominates a game, it is worth mentioning.

Great Work, Packers, and good luck next week against the Giants.

Decateur

(This post was approved by the FSRI Blogging Division)

A New Year - a New Direction

Hello,

Everyone here at the FSRI wish you the best and hope your new year is even better than the last!

With the coming year in mind, we here at the FSRI Blogging Division (Spinoza included), look on making a new years resolution. We have decided that we have veered from our original purpose: to expose any and all to the simple virtues of Faking Smart. In the past six months we've made a sincere attempt to do this, but after a series of internal audits we've discovered that we've only managed to show the reader how to successfully reach the stages of the pre-interview phase.

What?, you may ask. It's true. In the six months of this blog's existense we've only gone so far as to describe how to Fake Smart up to the interview portion of your career in corporate America. At this pace it will take us aporoximately two years to actually tell you how what to bring to your first day of work. This is not good.

Starting next month we'll endevour to tell you how to fake smart while at work. Yes!, practical Faking Smart tactics and strategies that you can use right now at the job you currently have!

See you sooon!

KWA

Season's Greetings! from the FSRI

Hello, one and all!

As we brave this Holiday season, I wanted to make it clear that neither the FSRI or the FSIHL had anything to do with the inclement weather wrecking havoc on the lives our country's disparate and disjointed masses. That said, I, for one, need snow. I thrive in it, love it, imbibe it ...given it is outside and at a safe distance from the hearth warming my pale blue toes.

Which brings me to the point of this post: happy seasons, or whatever... We here at the FSRI hope your wishes come true, and all that other stuff. Think of others, not yourself 24/7. And do a good deed or two, like putting out your trash and tidying up around the house. "Do this and you will be rewarded" is a message you might find in your fortune cookie eaten at a restaurant open on the 25th. Yes, good Chinese is a celebratory cuisine consumed on this coming day of celebration, especially when you are alone and, or, a practitioner of different faiths.

I, along with my trusty hound, Spinoza, will make do. Even though the offices here at headquarters are vacant, and even though scandal has rocked our intrepid FSRI ship, I will enjoy a quiet Holiday here at the office and I want to make sure no one out there is worried about me. Go about your business ...I'm safe and sound, no worse for wear. Please, I'm fine, and I'm serious when I tell you this. Ah, wait, who is it ringing me on my cellphone? ...My good friend Mustafa Bey, the Sultan of Istanbul! He's invited me to a party. See! I'm fine. One quick cab-ride to the airport and "presto," I'm in business!

Which brings me to further business: the work on the first Faking Smart! book is in progress. No date, as of yet; the other good news, my ghost-writer and stalwart friend, Martin Fossum, is soon to be finished with his compelation of short fiction ...and when it's available I'll post a link for it here on the site.

Happy Holidays, from myself and Spinoza,

KWA

Happy Holidays, etc...

Today we're going to talk about interviewing strategies; particularly, how to communicate with a company who calls you to set up an interview.

...Ah, who am I kidding? I haven't posted in over a month and I suppose I have some explaining to do. You see, things here at the FSRI have been a little rough-going as of late. Sure, we could have ridden through the debacle involving Hendersen and Ella. (...According to Ella, Hendersen forcibly relocated our innocent and pure VP of Media Relations to Oslo where she was apparently subjected to all means of torture and mistreatment - weekend skiing-gjoring, northern light viewing, cuddly snow-drift love-making, etc...) We'll have you know that her tourism visa expired and she's back safely at FSRI headquarters where she's teaching us all how to knit mittens. But this was the least of our problems.

Following the abrupt disappearance of Ella and Hendersen, Decateur lapsed into a dark in nearly irretrievable depression. He barricaded himself in the employee lounge and made painful and uncharacteristic demands such as insisting that we feed him delivery pizza and pad-thai from the Thai Palace. Continuing his rampage over our good will, he insisted upon opening a netflicks account, getting broadband for his participation in World of Warcraft gaming while requiring that we deliver cases of diet Mug Rootbeer to his door. A dark weekend it was...!

With Decateur on the path to full recovery (he is currently warded in the FSRI video game addiction and root-beer obsession division...) we thought our troubles were over and that we could return to posting on a regular basis. Not the case! Just when things seemed fine Dutch authorities raided our East Indies FSRI offices charging us with illegal dissemination of illicit and superficial intelligence. I am writing you from Brussels ready to answer to a world court judge on the global threat that FSRI may or may not pose. But don't worry, if their case has a flaw, our FSRI attorneys will shred it to pieces. And shred they will!

As our ordeal proceeds here in lovely Europe, I'll make it clear that we are trying with all concert and deliberation to deliver you more content. But, content yourselves with this limited content. And don't expect daily posts - be reasonable and give up some time. In addition to resolving our European legal disputes and posting on this blog, we are trying to get together a published form for our Faking Smart in Corporate America book. Yes, your eyes are not fooling you. A Faking Smart book for any and all to buy!

Cheerio, all, and I'll give you a tidbit of Faking Smart wisdom as time permits.

Wolfbrooks

Decateur and Hendersen Arrive at FSRI HQ

Greetings, my fellow bloggers and blogees...

Got in late on the red-eye tonight with old Hendersen and thought I'd send out a "hello" to everyone. Thanks to Ella we were picked up promptly at the airport and driven straight to the FSRI-approved hotel where I was treated to my "executive suite" while Hendersen was made to feel right at home down in the basement's servants' quarters.

Ella, thanks again. Your kindness and goodwill has made my long trip more than tolerable. ;) I will also take this time to briefly tell you how impressed I was with your blogging. You more than "held down the fort" in my estimation, and if Ager has talent like yours laying around the blogging division, there's definitely a good future ahead for this blog and everyone involved with it.

On to business... I've postponed the "Weekly Roundup" until I recover from my jet-lag. To tell you the truth, though, there really wasn't much business going on in the last week. So don't sweat it.

Thanks again, Ella. And feel free to call me or visit me if you have any questions about the changes for next week. And maybe we can get in a game of Splume or two?

Decateur