The Perfect Christmas Gift for the Science Fiction Fan!

Jankowskowitz Issues FSRI Season's Greetings

From all of us here at the FSRI,

Season's Greetings!  

Now get back to work!

Kim Jong-Un and North Korea Supports Syrian Dictator Assad

Paula Broadwell...

...she may have taken down a general, but as far as we're concerned, she's definitely got her act together!

FSRI Announces Layoffs After Romney Loss

STOCKHOLM: The FSRI announced early Friday that it was laying off nearly its entire staff, 32,768 people, afterMitt Romney's failed bid to win the White House. "This wasn't what we wished to do," said Stanley Terker, FSRI VP of HR. "We were forced into this corner and certain decisions had to be made. Plus, we invested heavily in several Romney super pacs and got nothing out of it." When asked how Obama's presidency will adversely affect the FSRI Terker was blunt. "Under an Obama administration all American businesses, and even international businesses, feel an existential threat. If what we've heard it true, Obama is going to convert Wall Street into multiple bike lanes, ban the sport of curling and make it mandatory for all white men over the age of 65 to attend Lady Gaga concerts. If this happens then this country is going to heck in a Walgreens bag."

UPDATE: The FSRI later announced that on Monday 12th Nov. it will rehire 32,767 of the employees it laid off today. When asked why the layoff numbers and rehire numbers didn't agree, Terker was blunt. "It's me," he said over the phone late Friday. "I've decided to retire. My wife wants to start an organic pomegranate farm in California and I want to get more into yoga and meditation."

The FSRI is one of the most prestigious research institutes in the world. Its founder and CEO, Karl Wolfbrooks Ager, has not been seen or heard from for several months and many in the industry question whether he is still alive.

Did You Get a New Job?

Well then, the FSRI would like to congratulate you:

CONGRATULATIONS!  YOU DID IT!  GOOD WORK!

FSRI ANNOUNCES $1,000,000 PRIZE!

ZURS AM ALBERG: The FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) announced this afternoon that it is awarding a prized of $1,000,000 to the first person to buy 1,000,000 physical copies of Faking Smart! The book must be purchased on the Amazon.com website, and digital or ebook editions do not qualify.

"This is not about PR or publicity or anything like that," said VP of Media Relations, Ella Foster. "This is about buying a book and paying for it... plain and simple," she said. "We want to encourage this process and this is our way of facilitating it."

When asked if the FSRI actually had 1,000,000 copies of Faking Smart! on hand, Foster remarked that she wasn't the person to ask about publishing and printing logistics. "I'm not sure how it works, really, but we guarantee that if an order is placed for a million copies our affiliate will get them to your door."

The FSRI, an institute founded by noted self-help guru, Karl Wolfbrooks Ager, has been under pressure lately to justify its significance. A recently proposed FSRI expansion campus in Guangdong, China has been sidelined due to financial and political "roadblocks", and the absence of Wolfbrooks Ager at FSRI board meetings (according to the FSRI, he has been physically "displaced" after what many consider a botched quantum jump into the future) has raised the eyebrows of investors and institute students.

A disclaimer for the giveaway is included below:

Conditions for the FSRI Autumn of 2012 $1,000,000 giveaway apply. Any and all participants must meet the following conditions: All participants must be above age 4. The contest is open to all countries, with these exceptions: Albania, Armenia, Greece, Poland, Ethiopia, all NATO member states, UN members, Chad, Bolivia and San Marino. Participants must not be cats or puppets. Entrants must be independent, self-aware entities with the exception AIs built in the UK or Italy. Only one entry per participant. Purchase required. Finalist will be contacted by the FSRI. This contest ended yesterday.

TEAMBUILDING at the FSRI

Faking Smart! on the Kindle is now only $0.99!

Yippi!

Paul Ryan... Perfect for the Ticket!

In a recent campaign stop in Iowa, Paul Ryan showed everyone in the crowd the book that changed his life.

GOOD LUCK WITH SUNDAY'S ELECTION M. SARKOZY!

DID QADDAFI FOLLOW THE WRITINGS OF K.W.A.?

STUNNING NEW PHOTO REVEALS JONG IL'S SECRET

FSRI TO CHANGE LOCATION OF GUANGDONG CAMPUS

CARSON CITY, NV - Taking the business world by surprise, the FSRI (Faking Smart! Research Institute) announced today that it was moving the prospective site of its new Chinese campus from the small Guangdong Province city of Yunfu to the city of Heyuan, about 100 miles north and east of the major provincial city of Guangzhou.  According to the FSRI press release, there are many reasons for making this change, the main being that Heyuan is better equipped to accommodate FSRI structural requirements.

"Heyuan is definitely the place to build our facility," says FSRI China Spokesperson Hank Lee.  "Fortunately we caught this in time... before we started work on the Yunfu campus.  Right now all we can think of is how pleased and excited we are to start the ground-breaking on our new Heyuan home."

The Heyuan campus will support over 40,000 FSIHL (Faking Smart! Institute for Higher Learning) students.  The facility will also serve as headquarters for the new FSRI Institute for World Peace, the FSRI Organization for Organizational Research and as training ground for the pilot FSRI 2036 Olympic team.

Afer hearing that Heyuan had been chosen for the future FSRI campus, city officials had this to say: 河源市目前擁有世界上最重要的恐龍化石庫之一。城市的博物館已收集恐龍蛋化石，恐龍最大的收集，總數超過 10萬記錄在吉尼斯世界紀錄。恐龍蛋化石最早發現在施工現場附近的城市。從那時起，當地人都有助於提高集合。考古學家發現了恐龍化石skeletions和168個恐龍腳印化石。